Thursday, September 24, 2009

The Elusive 6-pack

    I have to say, I've done some pretty awesome stuff in my lifetime. I've seen the Australian Philharmonic perform in the Sydney Opera House, bought silk table runners on the Great Wall, seen Les Miserables in London, and received a full body massage from an ogre next to a gay guy in Budapest. However, one thing has eluded me my whole life….

    A 6-pack. Now, granted, this is primarily due to "lack of effort", but there are obviously other factors. For instance, I'm pudgy. I was born pudgy (10lbs 7oz) and, minus the periods of rapid vertical growth in my life, have always been pudgy. Those are just the facts. However, since my transition to NY I'm proud to say that I've been to the gym almost every day. Still absolutely ZERO sign of a 6-pack, but at least the guys at the gym know my name, right?

    One day at the gym, my life's direction almost took a drastic turn. I was running on the treadmill and from said treadmill you can see some of the undergraduate gym classes going on out on the basketball court. These are always fascinating. First, they stretch these poor kids out who look like they've spent a total of 5 minutes their entire lives lifting heavy objects. Then they line them up and have them go baseline to baseline doing the most ridiculous crap you have ever seen. One of them I think you just hop in the air and twist your arm somehow, which obviously has no purpose at all except to make you tired and make you look like a complete idiot all at the same time. And then it hit me! I should become a gym teacher. I've always loved finding ways to make people look like idiots without them having the slightest clue and this would be like the Mecca. I could come up with all kinds of "exercises" and tell them it's good for the Gluteous Tricepeous and no one would have a clue, they would just show up and do it day after day! Then I started calculating how long it would take me to pay off my debt on a teacher's salary and decided to stick with computers.

    As soon as I get a 6-pack (or heck, even a two pack), I'll post some pictures.


Anonymous said...

seriously that profile picture of me...

Amber said...

First off, congratulations. Your blog is HILARIOUS!! Second off, what in the world is Emily eating in that picture. How funny!!